poetry critical

online poetry workshop

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Welcome!

Welcome to Poetry Critical, an online poetry workshop. To post your own poetry, rate that of others, or start a new thread on the message board, you'll need to create a user id by typing a name and password in the box above and hitting 'New User'. If you just want to critique or jump into the discussion, however, you can do that without logging in by typing your comment in the box under each poem or post.

 
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Random Poem:

Sun, Moon
mannequill

Some days I feel like
 1
I've lost my position
 2
as the center of your universe.
 3
Selfish as that is,
 4
it feels that I have been usurped.
 5
I know this is not true,
 6
that I, in fact, have never
 7
occupied that position.
 8
It still hurts the same.
 9
There always was
 10
and always would be
 11
someone else to hold your heart.
 12
 
 
You've always been
 13
at the center of my universe
 14
since before the girl tore you apart.
 15
You've been there for me
 16
I've been there for you
 17
and it's been my longstanding impression
 18
that we were doomed to be close to one another.
 19
 
 
I have never been
 20
at the center of your universe.
 21
I know we discussed this,
 22
we talked at great length
 23
and you reassured me of the way you feel.
 24
Yet I wonder,
 25
of the two of us,
 26
which has done the more for you?
 27
Which has been there the longest,
 28
has understood you the best,
 29
has connected with you on such al level
 30
that each can complete
 31
the other's every thought pattern?
 32
 
 
I have never been
 33
nor will ever be
 34
at the center of your universe.
 35
He has held that place, I've learned,
 36
since the day he entered your ilfe.
 37
Rather, I am the silver to his gold.
 38
Never as bright,
 39
never as valued,
 40
always the easier to let tarnish.
 41
I am the moon to his sun,
 42
only discussed in the occasional poem
 43
whilst the sun is revered and worshiped
 44
as nothing less than a god.
 45

(comment on this poem)


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